Submitted to the 18-25 Project

The Body of Shame

Here I stand in front of you Those who know me from years ago You will sit You will say she has lost weight she is ill I feel shame, I feel guilt Those of you who’ve known me for a while You see me you see I have lost weight You think wow how did she do it You want to know You want the same diet I can not tell you I did not decide to lose weight I feel shame I feel your shame You tell me you have put on weight You say you must have my diet How did I do it? I feel guilt Those of you who don’t know me See me as I am here today in the present You think what you think I think I ma proud to be here But I hold shame If you se me next year If I have put on weight should I be ashamed of my body Ashamed of loosing control Do you judge me by my weight Do you want me to worry that every ounce I put on You may see How do I hide my shame I hide it in my body The body of shame I go to my GP I wonder if I have a problem You who know me look at me Your eyes tell me I am back in it In the thick of my eating disorder My GP says my BMI is ok I feel ashamed of asking Of daring to say Because by his measure I am ok I take this evidence to tell The people who look at me But inside I know I am not ok But how can I tell him when my BMI is fine When I feel fat but am not I live in my body A body you judge how well I am by how it looks I have nowhere left to hide.

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