Clinging to The Rock

An attempt, by analogy, to show the pull between staying with one's eating disorders and recovery.

The thunder roars in anger and its lightning rends the sky,
the waters round about me rage, the winds with venom cry.
Bound within the darkness of this bitter storm torn night
in the seas of life I flounder and their deadly cold doth bite.

In a boiling sea I struggle and its towering waves crash down,
in frantic fear I cry out, all hope fails, I can but drown.
And sinking now I flail out as about me waters fold
and striking something solid there, I fight to take a hold.

Though weak beyond all measure I cling on 'less I die
and battle slowly upwards 'til upon The Rock I lie.
Weak perhaps, and injured whilst the wind about me screams
yet safe from fear and battle and relief now fills my dreams.

My Rock it is a haven from the worst the seas can give,
a place removed from torment where, at last, in peace I'll live.
A sanctuary above the mighty raging of the sea,
an isle bereft of troubles 'midst the torments that might be.

Now after time uncounted fighting 'gainst the seas for life
I rest at last in safety and forget my recent strife.
My Rock it is a haven where at last I'm free from pain
and there, where anguish plagues me not, secure I will remain.

Still round about my resting place the storm its wrath displays,
the sea still comes against me with its bitter icy sprays,
the wind it cries in anger and attacks with deadly bite
but I sit now, still, in safety and deny the storm a fight.

And yet as time moves ever on I now begin to see
that crouched upon my tiny Rock is not a place to be;
but still I need its safety and the seas I greatly fear
and still the bitter rain hails down and upwards great waves rear.

The sea affirms its mighty force, the wind whips up its spray
I cannot face this deadly thing, upon my Rock I'll stay.
I cannot yield my sanctuary to face this dreadful fear,
I cower, huddled on my Rock, and stay in safety here.

And yet I think of home and friends and greatly rue my plight
but to cede up such security is far beyond my might.
Trapped I am in safety, ringed about with greater fear,
I could not face again the sea even if the shores were near.

And so amidst the angry sea, within the storm I'm caught,
and though I have my safety here, in truth its dearly bought.
Removed I am from all I love, held by the dread I feel,
a prison, perhaps, hemmed round with fear, yet still with great appeal.

I want so much to leave my Rock and walk as one born free,
and yet I want also to stay, and still in safety be.
I face a struggle deep inside, beyond my might to win
and battle with my hopes and fears and turmoils within.

I sit upon my haven Rock with roaring seas about,
and hear upon the bitter winds vague voices calling out.
"The shore is near" they seem to say "swim over, we are here.",
I see not where they hail me from, I trust less that I fear.

Weak I am, worn from the bitter struggles for my life,
beaten both by wind and wave, broken by violent strife.
And still I see no shore or help and much I fear the task
and still the voices call "swim out!", they know not what they ask.

And should I leave my blessed Rock, face yet again more pain?
Would I, perhaps, when fear bites deep, lose heart, flee back again?
Could I defy the seas once more, or in them would I die?
Or will I simply perish here without the will to try?

And so I waver on the edge, the vicious waves below,
I fear to leave my safety here and yet it must be so.
I hesitate to step out now and plunge back into hell,
and whether courage masters fear, only time will tell.

© Copyright Notice
© Paul Davis. The poem on this page is presented here with thanks, with the express permission of the author. Copyright remains soley with the author and this material may not be reproduced without the author's express consent.