Creative Pages

Meaningless words

Don’t Want to go
Stupid talks, reminders and feelings
Share how “you feel”
I never do though, for some reason feelings are hidden
Why bother anyway?
Because I know when I do let you in my words are wasted
They don’t connect with you, do they?
You just nod it off, like u understand it all
But what the hell can u do ,right?
I thought u cared, but I realize second time round this game its not the same
Hopefully though, in the near future I’ll be back like the last time
A little shadow of myself finally showing my pain
I hate these meetings, I used to look forward to them
I used to be able to talk to you, and you only
Now I dread them, they fill me with fear
I’m sorry for wasting your time,
Its obvious you could be dealing with someone who is worthy of your guidance
Who IS ill, underweight and close to death
As I walk in and “take a seat”, I hold my breath and smile
The twisted coil in my stomach is getting tighter and the shouts in my head so loud
“ YOU SHOULDN’T BE HERE, LOOK AT YOU FAT-FAT-FAT”
The voice doesn’t stop, its constant and blocks my thoughts, “she is looking at u like that because your pathetic, look at you –imposter, fraud, you don’t need help your fat, go and throw yourself under a bus, refuse treatment, get it right, come back as a success at this game, not the failure you keep proving to be”
I look at the floor, I know sometimes you see my eyes as glass and I hold back the tears from you,
I wont let you see, I wont let anyone see-these tears are for my pillow and mirror only
This is why I hate these talks, nothing will come out
I’ll let you assume its all fine-as u want it to be
Because, if I cant show it physically, my hope is lost in showing you internally.
Know I’ll be a success at this game, and your attention will be mine
As stupid as it sounds, it’s another round I just lose.

sky

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