Creative Pages

Clinging to the Corset Strings

            Maybe, if orchards were planted on a steep slope, then an apple could roll down the hill once it ripened and fell. Maybe, if there was a river at the bottom of the hill, the apple could splash into it and be taken to a new place by the force of the currents alone. There, in a nice warm meadow filled with birdsong and light and harmony, that little apple could gently roll ashore and let the wind take it to a perfect spot where its seeds could scatter and grow up into a big strong tree, far from the jealous whispers and mutterings that filled the dark mountain orchard. This way, it could avoid living an unhappy life in the shadow of The Mother Tree.

            Let me speak a little of The Mother Tree. In all her life, she bore only two fruits. One rolled away and got stuck in Clubland, where it spent the rest of its days buying expensive haircuts to try and recapture its waning youth. The other fruit could have gone far and far, and did in fact start to roll away. But The Mother Tree was scared of being alone, and kept calling the little one back every time it went to break free.

            The Mother Tree wasn’t a very strong tree, and shook badly in even the mildest wind. The little fruit was scared that if she didn’t protect the tree, then it would snap or be pulled from its roots and die. The little fruit wanted a life of her own but also didn’t want her mummy to die. So the little fruit stayed in the orchard, even though she didn’t like it very much, and did little things with the other little apples that she found there. The Mother Tree didn’t like work and thought because she was a bit weaker than other trees that it was best if she didn’t do anything. The orchard government recognised her fragile state and gave her money to rent her little plot of orchard land, but The Mother Tree spent it all on cider from the other trees. Trees need food but she didn’t want any – in fact she spent all her money on gifts for the little apple; gifts which the fruit didn’t really want at all. The little apple feared that she was a very fat apple compared to the other apples and really just wanted to lose some weight. Unfortunately The Mother Tree just kept feeding and feeding it so the little apple would make itself sick and go running around the orchard trying to be thin.

            After awhile, the ugly little fat apple met a beautiful kind boy apple who didn’t care about her weight, and they both wanted to roll far, far away to a nice little meadow by a river in order to grow a little tree of their own. But The Mother Tree, who had been alone for years since Daddy Tree took a plane to the Land of the Sequoias and married a younger European tree, didn’t want her little fruit to leave and started buying gifts for the little fruit and told it stories which were lies just to make it feel guilty so it couldn’t ever leave. The little fruit didn’t want the gifts, knowing they’d been bought with money from the state orchard government, and really just wanted to see The Mother Tree start to get a life of her own.

            The Mother Tree had anorexia. The Mother Tree had anorexia and didn’t really want to recover. She spent what little food money she had on the little cat that took shelter in her branches. The little fruit went to a little orchard university to learn about the trees and the stars and the earth. As she studied, she struggled with her feelings of low self worth yet still believed one day she could get better. Her dream of being a happy little writer tree producing beautiful baby apples with her new husband apple kept her strong through dark days. Yet the closer she got to her dream, the more The Mother Tree would try and pull her back.

            The little fruit still didn’t want The Mother Tree, who was still very weak from her cider and her refusal to eat, to be hurt or to suffer and die. But The Mother Tree was really, really hurting her daughter by constantly saying how special her daughter was and that the little fruit was the only good thing in her life. The little apple really didn’t want the pressure of being her mother’s carer, it was hard enough looking after herself and besides, it was time for the little apple to roll away and start raising her own family.

            Yet when she tried to move away for good, the Mother Tree just cried and cried and cried. The little fruit felt very guilty, but suddenly realised that a good proportion of her own problems came from the fact that mummy had never gone through proper recovery. The apple realised that she probably never would; and therefore was no longer her responsibility.

After an especially bad argument with The Mother Tree, who had drunk far too much cider that night for her own good and was acting like a real bitch, the little apple rolled out of the orchard forever. After less than a week, the little apple went to her university counsellors for help, who advised her that her mummy should be able to look after herself. The little apple felt very guilty for not being able to help The Mother Tree any more, but she’d already given up 8 years of her life in trying to be there for mummy and mummy had just gotten worse and worse.

Within days of leaving the orchard, the little apple realised that she could probably find the strength to beat her destructive eating patterns and overcome her negative body image just by taking time to get away from the constant bleating of The Mother Tree. She realised that she was much, much worse around her mummy and this was really because mummy wouldn’t deal with her anorexia. The little fruit realised that it was her responsibility to cure her own bulimia, on her own.

The little fruit didn’t know whether her sickness was caused by nature or nurture, but the orchard wasn’t a safe place for her any more. The only real safe place for her was in her quiet little meadow with her happy apple husband. The realisation of that was enough to set her free. She had been clinging to the corset her mummy wore instead of an apron all her life; trying to fit into a role that never suited her, and that role was making her sick. In her new life she still feared for the safety of mummy but if mummy wasn’t strong enough to grow roots in the ground to weather a storm, well that was nobody’s responsibility but mummy’s.

It was very hard for the little apple to break away but looking back it was the only way she could save herself. She knew her own journey would be a touch one and a long one but in the end the goal was worth every second – the goal of health and happiness and a life that she could life to the full without being afraid to answer the phone. She knew it would take many years before she would reach that point, but at least she was finally out of the door of the orchard, and, unlike her mother, the road to recovery was the only one she wanted to walk on.

Maya King

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