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Somerset
and Wessex
Eating Disorders
Association
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"serving
those affected by eating disorders"
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STARTING
POINTS
FOR
SELF-ESTEEM
GROWTH
Dr. Alex Yellowlees
We all like to think that we could be happier, achieve more, be more creative and generally improve our sense of well-being. But just how do we go about making these things a reality? We have the best of intentions but often no idea of how to go about creating the results that we want. In other words, we don't have a PLAN! Without a plan, a strategy, or even just a starting point, most of our wishes and dreams fade away as time goes on.
There is nothing that would enrich our lives more, emotionally and creatively, than to grow in self-esteem; but just how do we do that? At first thought it seems like an impossible task, a prospect so overwhelming that it can appear daunting. Here are some starting points for you to think about. Even if you pick up just one of them, and follow it through into action that is appropriate for you, it has the potential to bring about remarkable change.
SELF
PARENTING
Self-esteem growth has a great deal to do with self-parenting. By this, I mean learning to relate to ourselves in the way that a good parent would relate to his or her own child. Do we treat ourselves with genuine unconditional love, care and respect? Do we effectively nurture and nourish our bodies? Do we adequately respect our own feelings? If the answer to any of these questions is no, then we need to make a decision to change aspects of our thinking and behaviour, in order to reflect good parenting, even if it feels strange at first. Self parenting is the process by which we heal ourselves ~ the result is self-esteem.
SELF
AWARENESS
This is about making a decision to deepen our level of self understanding. We like to think that we know ourselves, but this is never the case. Some people with very low self-esteem erroneously believe that they are worthless. Growing in self awareness may mean that you come to realise, perhaps for the first time, that you are of value.
SELF
ACCEPTANCE
True self acceptance doesn't mean that we agree with or like everything we see in ourselves, but it does mean that for the moment we are prepared to approach ourselves in a non-judgmental way. Facing the truth about ourselves may mean accepting that we are not as 'bad' as we thought we were!
SELF LOVE
People often mistake self love for self indulgence. No parent who truly loves their child overindulges them. But there can be no true healing without us coming to love ourselves, particularly the wounded inner child which we all carry within us.
SELF
CARE
By this I mean that we begin to care for our minds and our bodies in a nurturing and nourishing way. It means dressing ourselves, feeding ourselves, exercising our minds and practically taking care of ourselves in the way a good and loving parent would the child they adore.
SELF
PROTECTION
A person with a poor sense of self worth is like a city without walls - open and vulnerable to attack of all kinds. Self protection involves looking after our bodies and our emotions. It means guarding ourselves from disease and physical dangers as well as from damaging relationships and experiences.
SELF
RELIANCE
Self reliance is about making a commitment to becoming less dependent on others, practically and emotionally, and to building up our sense of self confidence and self competence. It may mean learning a new skill or attending a course for example, or beginning to grow out of a childlike relationship with a parental figure.
SELF
ASSERTIVENESS
This can often be a difficult starting point for many of us because at first it appears to threaten our apparent good standing with others and to risk their disapproval. It is about standing up for ourselves and our legitimate rights, as scary as that may seem. Surprisingly enough, others often respect and like us more as a result!
SELF
RESPONSIBILITY
The truth about life is, that when all is said and done, each of us is responsible for our own happiness. We are on a hiding to nothing if we believe that anyone else can truly bring about our own inner peace of mind. Realising this can be both transforming and utterly liberating ~ that is once you have come to terms with the idea!
SELF
DETERMINATION
If we follow any of these starting points, then the result will inevitably be growth in our sense of self worth and we will become more self determining. By that, I don't mean we will become more determined characters, but rather that we will be more in charge of our lives, our futures and, ultimately, our destiny.
SELF
FORGIVENESS
We all do need to learn to forgive ourselves on a daily basis. Nobody is perfect, and who would want to be! Society's idea of perfection is constantly changing. There is no such thing as the 'perfect personality' or the 'perfect body', the 'perfect job' or the 'perfect partner'. Perfection is an illusion, and to strive after it is simply daft! All that is asked of us is that we do the best we can with the skills and inner resources available to us at this moment in time.
SELF
PERMISSION
And so we come to self permission. This means giving ourselves approval to feel and think freely, to genuinely start loving ourselves and to own our dreams and desires. It also means allowing ourselves to express our feelings and wishes, to actively pursue our goals and to take the risks involved.
So be a good parent to yourself and give yourself permission to be all that you truly can be. Yours Affectionately
Dr. Alex Yellowlees
Dr. Alex Yellowlees is a Consultant Psychiatrist in
Tayside, Scotland, specialising in working with clients with Eating
Disorders. He is also a patron of the Somerset Eating Disorders
Association {SEDA} for whom he wrote this.
Dr.
Yellowlees' own web site can be found at http://www.alexyellowlees.com/
You can contact SWEDA for information about eating disorders and the range of
services offered (including: one-to-one support, self-help support and the
telephone helpline) at :-
SWEDA’s telephone helpline, which is staffed by trained volunteers,
many of whom have a personal experience of an eating disorder, can
be reached on:-
01458 448600
an answerphone is available when the helpline is closed.
support@swedauk.org
Email support and MSN Messenger contact ID
SWEDA is a registered charity (No.
1056441)
and a company limited by guarantee (No.
3208772)
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