August ~ December 2001 Issue

Here we are in August with news for you about SEDA services, what the Mental Health are planning to do and contributions from our readers.

I hope those of you who like to write will enjoy being in the Penpal Scheme, and keep those poems and articles coming, we love to hear from you.

A big thank you to the volunteers who help to collate the bulletin and put it in the envelopes and all those who have contributed to this bulletin.

Best wishes to you all, from Sandra.

New for Autumn - SEDA Drop-In’s
at a place near you!

The SEDA Telephone Helpline Times

Tuesday 4pm - 7pm (New Time!)
Wednesday 10am - 1pm
Friday 6pm - 9pm Sunday 10am - 1pm

Trained listeners are there to take your call.
An answer phone is available at all other times

01458 448600

I dream of an oasis, somewhere I can be me.
I dream of a place, where I can be free.

This night mare I’m having, just goes on and on.
Pulled this way and that, I cannot go on.

Just give me some space, so that I can think.
Maybe the chain needs one more link.

What do I need, who can I be?
I stare in the mirror, who can I see?

Where ever I am, please let me be.
So I can LIVE on my island, and be just ME.

Elaine W

.

Contorted I lie, face down in my bed. Drowning beneath all the thoughts in my head. I surface once more, a momentary lapse. Again I return, continue perhaps. Safe in my own space, so warm and alone. No longer thinking, my live wire blown.

STEERING GROUP NEWS from Trish The Steering Group is pleased to have three new members to take part in advising SEDA Workers and Trustees and to have a vital role in the development of services and SEDA’s philosophy.

Nicky has been Chair of the Steering Group for nearly 2 years. She is now standing down, as work commitments make it too difficult for her to regularly attend meetings. Nicky has been a powerful energising force, supporting the group to develop its role, and individuals to gain confidence and new skills. We miss her already! Nicky also gave time to supporting me in my role, and her insights and encouragement have influenced many aspects of SEDA’s work. The good news is that Nicky is going to take on aspects of Volunteer Training, so we are not losing her, simply gaining the benefit and other aspects of her professional skills and personal qualities.

Heidi Joyce - From the Rosebank Team - has left to join the Gloucester Eating Disorder Service. Her contributions to the Steering Group and to service development work in Somerset have been valuable, and she has played a significant part in moving ideas forward. Everyone wishes her well and we hope that in her new role she will be able to keep in contact.

Neil Harper - from the Orchard Lodge Team, has joined the Steering Group, giving a new point of contact. We expect that the Eating Disorders Service post holders will also contribute to the steering Group in the future.

Next meeting :- Thursday 13th September 2001. 6.30-8pm Strode House, 10 Leigh Road, Street. New members welcome.

“I never thought you’d make it” an ex-teacher said to me last year, as we sat down to a meal. Tears glazed our eyes as I remembered my anorexic times, the food that never passed my lips, the love that never held me inside.

I never thought my anorexia would abandon me, she was my blanket, she was my confidant, she was my life. Without her holding me I was nothing, or was I?

After years, I left my blanket and found myself in a friendless empty world, but I made it, or thought I did. No one could see my pain now it screamed again, silently inside no one heard my cries. I smiled, I was fine.

Then her mate bulimia overtook my body. She nipped inside me like a tidal wave, I was out of control. No one saw, they thought I was well, I ached, I hurt and no one knew. I dreamed of my anorexia, a ‘friend’ I could no longer reach.

Then I left them behind after quite some years mind. And found myself alone but oh I lived, I walked, I became free.

Then I began to notice my sadness. I cried for my comforting anorexia, yet she gave me internal pain. She told me she couldn’t comeback. I raged at her, I raged at her more, as I saw her steal my friends. I couldn’t stop her hurting them, I cried, I wanted her to come to me, so I could take away their pain. Yet I knew I couldn’t.

They had to find their own path out of her maze all I could do was believe in each person, friend or client. Believe their story, silences and pain. Believe they could recover and share my hope.

Anon.

Another Summer is upon us - you’ll find it between the thundery showers!

Community support is continuing to offer one-to-one support sessions. Please contact Anita or Dinah via the Helpline. We can also offer a one-off session with the option of a follow-up occasionally - time and availability allowing. Or maybe you need a block of sessions to give time to look at particular issues which may surface in an initial meeting.

We have been giving time and thought to developing new different sorts of groups - and are setting aside time in the Autumn to devote to this. We hope the new group services will be on offer sometime in the Spring - and will run alongside one-to-one support, watch this space!

Hoping that you are staying dry this Summer - at least occasionally.

With best wishes, Dinah and Anita.

SEDA PENPALS .

Seda volunteers reply to letters and emails from people wanting information and support, who don’t want to use the telephone.

Additionally some people have asked to be put in touch with others with an eating disorder, in recovery or who are family members of a ‘sufferer’, so that they could have a correspondence going over time.

We are happy to help with that and have come up with the following scheme. If you want to write and receive letters send in your name, full address and a phone number (We keep these confidential). Give the name or nickname you want advertised and up to 30 words about yourself e.g.

Name: Jane Box No. ....

Pen portrait: I am a recovering Bulimic, living in Somerset. I am a 42 year old single parent of two boys. My family and friends are not aware of my eating disorder and I would like to have a penpal.

We give each person a box number at SEDA’s address and publish your name and ‘pen portrait in the bulletin / website (you tell us which). People interested in replying to you write c/o your box number and we send it on. If you go on the website page you could get replies from anywhere in the world. Bulletin only entries will reach people in Somerset and the surrounding areas.

Letters are confidential and should be sent in a stamped sealed envelope with box number on top left hand corner. You put this in another envelope addressed to SEDA PENPALS and once we receive it Sandra will fill in the full address on the inner envelope and post it on.

If anyone has a simpler way of doing this let us know! We need to keep contact details private and not pay for the stamps, and this was our way around that!

We advise people not to disclose their home address / telephone number unless or until they feel ready to. We do have a guidance sheet for the scheme which we will send when you first register.

Regular bulletin readers are aware of SEDA’s involvement in work to improve GP and Mental Health Services for those affected by eating disorders. Thank you to everyone who has contributed towards this, and especially to those of you who completed our surveys and questionnaires.

As a result the Somerset Partnership Trust have

• Increased their grant support for SEDA to £55,000pa. Provided £8,000 to fund eating disorder training.
• Created two eating disorder specialist posts: 1) Consultant Clinical Psychologist (part time) 2) Nurse Consultant (full time)
• Formed a Joint Steering Group with SEDA to develop the role of the new specialist team (which will include contributions from SEDA paid workers) and support the team in the work of creating a service. This group is chaired by Mendip Locality Manager Neil Dhruev, and Neil will be “Guest Speaker” at our AGM in November sharing his thoughts on ensuring that clients are at the centre of core planning.

The New Posts The Psychologist has already been appointed and starts in September. Joy Atkins has been working in Nottingham with a special interest in eating disorders for sometime, and is looking forward to a more dedicated focus and experience. SEDA steering Group Members and volunteers were involved in interviewing and we all believe that she is going to be a real asset to Somerset.

The nurse consultant post was advertised and interviews took place but no appointment was made. Re-Advertising in the Autumn will - hopefully - give a good second shot at filling this crucial post. SEDA will be involved again in interviews so let us know if you would like to take part in that process.

The new team will work to create services and choices that will be provided locally through health (GP’s and Community Teams) social services and other community resources including SEDA. Some Somerset Partnership Trust staff are especially interested in using their skills, and they will have training and supervision from the team. Over time community based programmes will be available offering long-term support for sufferers, those working on their recovery, and families.

Joy and Neil will both contribute to the next bulletin, and I will keep everyone informed as to how things are moving on.

If you have any more thoughts, ideas or concerns about how a service should be then please get in touch. There is a genuine opportunity here for everyone to have influence on what becomes available and how it works.

And if you would like a copy of the document we helped write about the need for and shape of a good service contact Sandra at SEDA. It’s taken a long while and much effort to get this far, but it feels as if things are moving. As they say “watch this space”

Tricia.

The Steering Group SEDA day of reflection, celebration and looking forward was held on Saturday 3rd March 2001.

A wonderful day was had by those attending, who included Trustees, Steering Group Members, Volunteers (past & present) and SEDA Workers.

We completed a Time Line which took us through the last ten years from the start of MEDA in to SEDA, and to the end of the Opportunities for Volunteering Project which ended on March 31st.

This covered a surprising amount of events, some recalled in detail by people present on the day. And by photographs around the room of different events. We also had presentations of SEDA Opportunities for Volunteering Certificates and a memento of the day of a turned wooden egg for every one.

A lovely lunch was provided by SEDA and shared by all and after a while we did an exercise routine led by Pam, to wake us all up ready to carry on.

We then looked at the future of SEDA and what we would like to see happen, this was also going to help Trish to develop planning proposals for the Eating Disorder Service for Somerset. Also Lyn offered to be the link between the Steering Group and the Volunteers, to help with communications.

Every waking moment it preoccupies me controlling my every move and thought compelling me to battle constantly against my iron will this week has been tough unable to stop myself picking and nibbling at leftovers and sweet poisons I am scared by these impulses realising in my logical mind that this is ok but knowing secretly that my feelings afterwards will crush me I have promised myself that next week I will regain control and avoid these added feelings of guilt no more finger in the jam pot or handful of cornflakes mixed with a mouthful of ice-cream regretting every mouthful that chokes me as I swallow wishing I hadn’t started knowing that this wretched food will lie dormant inside me unless I can shift it unable to force it back up I resign myself to the exercise bike or at the very least my private routine Anon.

Dear Sufferer,
I was like you not less than a month ago. I suffered from Anorexia and was having appointments at my local hospital every month. I was feeling very low, depressed and my self esteem was in my boots. One Saturday I looked in the mirror, as normal, before taking a bath, I counted the bones which were protruding and felt quite proud as I counted them one by one. I looked again, for some reason I took that second glance and boy am I glad I did.

I didn’t see a fat person standing there as I had done for so long. Instead I saw a very sorry looking person who would have been more fitting in a World War ll concentration camp. If someone wanted to snap me in half they could have done I was that thin, I was shocked and disgusted about what was happening to me. I had my bath as normal, wincing at the pain of my spine on the bottom of the bath, when I went down stairs I made that crucial step. I stood in my lounge and at the top of my voice shouted “Anorexia you can f.... off, I don’t want you anymore”, if I had 6 stone of weight on me , I lost it in one go. I felt great. I’d never felt so free, as I did at that moment. Thirteen years of controlling every calorie and everything which entered my mouth was over. It was at last over and I was free. I can honestly say that I came to my senses and realised that the Anorexia was controlling ME and not ME controlling the Anorexia.

The following day I put my scales under my bed and did not feel the urge to go out in the pouring rain to walk for four hours, I thought that if other people could stay indoors and do “normal” things then so could I.

Things are slowly becoming easier as time going on. I can’t say that it has been without any problems because it hasn’t, but everyday things which the majority take for granted , (like going to Tesco and not looking at the calorie content of everything I picked up) gave me more of a buzz than realising I had lost that extra pound.

It has been two weeks now and I am feeling stronger and stronger everyday. I no longer feel the need to binge or stave myself, in fact I get excited when I buy something new for tea, or think of new recipes to try. I haven’t weighed myself for two weeks and I don’t miss it. I had the first complete night’s sleep in over a year last night. Things like that are changing everyday for me, since I realised what was happening in my mind and started bit by bit to overcome the destruction this cruel disease causes.

There is a new and more exciting life out there for everyone, including me. I hope now I am well on the way to recovery. It is with the support of my family and friends that I am surviving and getting better, if you like I was for so long, use all the resources you can get, I hope that one day you will find the peace of mind a more normal existence can offer.
You deserve better than the turmoil an eating disorder gives, everyone deserves a life. You are a human being not a thing. You deserve to get better.
Ali.
(This was sent in a few weeks ago, If you would like to write to Ali please send care of SEDA.)