For Carers and Supporters

Caring for people with Eating Disorders

There is no single cause for eating disorders. All are embedded in emotions that have been triggered by one or more factors including cultural and family pressures. In recent research it is thought that genetics could play a part. The person has alighted upon the control of food because they feel other parts of their lives are out of control. They may, for instance, have been in the vicarious position of having a parent who wanted to relive what the parent may see as deficits in their own life through their children. For instance, the parent may have missed out on going to, perhaps university, and unwittingly put added pressure on the child to perform, to excel in order to assuage the parent's lack of attainment as a child. It is therefore important, as a carer, not to be too controlling regarding eating. Threatening attitudes will only lead to deeper entrenchment by the person. What is needed is a gentle, encouraging attitude that will lead the person to seek professional help and to enable the person to be open and honest with you. In order for the person to recover, they have to want to recover and the greatest role of a carer is to encourage, support and make the person feel accepted for who they are.

One thing to remember is that carers are not counsellors. When someone close to you is going through a traumatic time they will value those around them who show a sincere, genuine and loving acceptance of them as a person. A carer who values the person's unique individuality will be able to encourage the person to develop in their own way, at their own pace in an environment of loving care.

When caring for someone with an eating disorder there are a few main points to remember

• Listen to the person
• Assure the person that you are there for them and they are not alone and that you want to help
• Be patient recovery will only come about when the person is ready
• Encourage them to seek help
• Do not blame the person, or get angry with them
• Avoid talking about food, weight or their appearance
• Try not to make meal-times a battle ground. Do not force the person to eat.
• Do not take on the role of a counsellor.

It will not, at times, be easy for a carer to act on the points above. The person may be moody and irritable. They may be uncommunicative and reject your offers to help. The person may react with anger and deny anything is wrong. They quite possibly cannot understand themselves, why they are acting in this way. They sense the stigma attached to their abnormal eating patterns and feel unable to be open about it; do not want to tell others about it.

Carers in this situation, whether they are parent, partner or friend will be very confused and although they want to help may not know how they can be of help. It is normal for a carer to experience many different emotions and feelings such as fear, guilt and even anger. Parents particularly find themselves feeling guilty because they feel responsible that someone in their family has developed an eating disorder. No one person is responsible for someone developing the problem. It is very difficult to watch someone you love slowly destroy themselves. What is important is to provide a loving and safe environment that will enable and empower the sufferer the opportunity to be honest and open about how they feel. Just by being there for them will help. Reassure them that they can talk to you and that you will listen.

However much you are concerned and love this person it is important that you take care of yourself. It is important to remember you also have needs and the recovery process can be long and hard so take time out just for yourself. Perhaps you could get support from a group or from a particular friend or seek out help from counselling. If it is a child with an eating disorder it is important the parents work out a strategy together for coping with their son/daughter so that child is unable to play one parent off with the other. A united front is invaluable in these circumstances. It is important and helpful to talk to others who understand how you feel and know what you are going through. The more you listen to your own needs so you will be able to support the person who is suffering.

Mary

SWEDA Services for Carers

This statement is taken from our own leaflet for carers. Carers were involved in setting up of MEDA, SWEDA's precursor and so Somerset & Wessex Eating Disorders Association aims (and always has aimed) to serve those affected by eating disorders and recognise fully that it is not only those who are struggling with an eating disorder that suffer, but that those who are close to them and care about them do so too.

All of our services are available to carers as well as those with eating disorders themselves and we would aim to serve the needs of carers as effectively as we do those of sufferers.

At the moment we are actively putting together this section of the site with input and support from those who have experienced the role of carer for themselves. We would welcome feedback, suggestions or articles for this section of the site so please feel free to get in touch.

For carers in Somerset, Somerset Partnership NHS and Social Care Trust (SomPar) provide a range of services for carers of  people with mental health problems; for details of these services click here.

Kimmeridge Court Eating Disorders Service - Carers Information
This excellent booklet has been put together as a resource for the friends and families of people who have an eating disorder.

Internet Resources for Carers

• Anorexia Carers
  Designed for those people caring for sufferers of the eating disorder - Anorexia Nervosa

• Beat - Information for Carers

• Eating Disorders - Partners in Care
  A leaflet from the Partners in Care campaign of the Royal College of Psychiatrists.

• Family and Friends
  Young Carers
  Looking out for Mates
  Carer resources from the SWEDA 18-25 Project.

• Information for Carers and Families
  Information for those caring for someone suffering from an eating disorder. Includes practical information, answers to frequently asked questions, information on how to get involved in events and research in this area and some personal accounts of what it is like to care for someone with an eating disorder.From the Institute of Psychiatry Eating Disorders Research Unit.

• Information for Carers of People with Anorexia Nervosa
  A leaflet for Carers of people with Anorexia Nervosa from the Institute of Psychiatry Eating Disorders Unit.

• Understanding NICE guidance: a guide for people with eating disorders, their advocates and carers, and the public
  From the National Institue for Clinical Excellence.

• Yorkshire Centre for Eating Disorders
  Services for carers including a support group and helpline