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PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 4:18 pm 
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Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2009 7:42 pm
Posts: 174
Location: Wells / Leicester
Hi everyone,
I'm having a bit of a hard time at the moment eating-wise. I'd been in really good recovery for about a year but due to uni pressures etc I've started to slip back. I've been really open and honest with everyone, including the doctors, about my little wobbly patch and have asked to be referred. Everyone is offering me loads of support, except my boyfriend. This is upsetting me and triggering me more than I can explain. Sometimes he tries to be really supportive but I think it's an act. It all came out the other week, drunkenly, that he thinks I'm fine because I'm not underweight, and that I'm just "saying all these things for attention." He thinks I'm fine because I eat in front of him at home in the knowledge that I can restrict when I get back to college. Today he got really angry with me for the EDAW post on my fb about EDs not being a 'phase,' and said it was aimed at him. When I finally convinced him that it wasn't, I posted the media article I've been interviewed for, which unfortunately has the headline "I want to be normal and go out for dinner," which is a complete misrepresentation of what I was saying. I said to James "what shall we do tomorrow night?" and he immediately replied "Well we can't go out for dinner because you're not normal."

Sorry for the rant, I just feel like I'm banging my head against a brick wall, and that the one person who should be supporting me is making me feel like I need to REALLY prove I am ill, which is such a negative thing. If anyone has any ideas about what to do (he doesn't like talking about my ED) I'd be really grateful.

Georgey xxx

Don't beat yourself up when you 'fail'. You've not failed, because the only way to truly fail is to stop trying.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 7:30 pm 
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Joined: Mon Feb 16, 2004 11:07 pm
Posts: 2064
Location: Somerset
I'm sorry that things are so tough for you right now (although it is good that you're getting help to keep things on track). Your boyfriend's behaviour really isn't helpful but it might be coming from a mixture of frustration and not understanding what you're actually battling with. People sometimes assume, from a position of not understanding, that we're choosing to be this way, seeking attention or self-destructing and unfortunately people do get angry (sometimes it builds up over time and just bursts out). It's a real shame that he won't talk about your eating disorder because I think that that would help, but maybe you could say what you feel you need him to hear in a letter or something, which might give both of you a bit of space and be a little less confrontational.

It can also be really difficult talking calmly and objectively about stuff like this with someone you're really close to, there's too much of a vested interest in wanting things to be okay, and too much emotion sparking about; he probably hasn't got anyone he'd feel comfortable sharing this with either, so things might have built to a head. If he wants to support you but doesn't know how he could get in touch with and organisation like SWEDA to try and learn a bit more, and for a bit of confidential support. He might not want to do this but at least the option is there (which he might not realise). For your part, is there anyone at college you could talk to? It might help you to work out the next step if you have someone to share this with.

I do hope that you're able to sort this out and that the eating disorder referral comes through quickly, so that hopefully you can get things back on track. I wish that I could be more help and I do hope that it works out.

PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 9:29 pm 
Hi pilgrim,

I agree with Paul, sometimes the people we love get frustrated with us because they just do not understand what we are going through. They do not understand the emotional aspects of an ED and so they judge our EDs by the way we look. If we look ok they think we must be ok but we know that is not the case.

I do think that he needs some kind of support himself and some education of the effects of an ED.

He does care for you but because he probably feels that he can not help you he is taking that frustration out on you. He has no-one else to help him deal with how he is feeling but unfortunately you say he does not want to talk about it. I have certainly heard that from my husband many times but eventually we manage to talk a bit about it.

When your referral comes though talk to them about this too as they may be able to offer some support for your boyfriend too.

Best wishes hun and I hope things improve for you soon.


PostPosted: Wed Feb 22, 2012 10:25 pm 
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Joined: Wed Nov 16, 2005 9:42 am
Posts: 98
Location: south west
Hi Pilgrim,

Sorry that things are such a struggle with your boyfriend. I've never been in a serious relationship so I can't offer much advice but I wonder if you could write him a letter explaining how you feel - it might be easier to get it out without him getting too wound up and perhaps he could process it more easily and gain some insight into where you are coming from.

I read your article and it was fantastic - I found it really refreshing to read an article on eating disorders which wasn't trying to glamorise them, but instead just telling it how it is. You go girl!


Turnips are misunderstood.

PostPosted: Thu Feb 23, 2012 4:16 am 
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Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2004 8:37 pm
Posts: 1990
Location: Just Taunton now.
Hey sweetie,
I understand, I'm having major boyfriend issues at the moment because of my e.d. we haven't worked through it yet but I do agree with what the others have said and wanted to send you big hugs xxxxxx

“Really great people make you feel that you, too, can become great.” Mark Twain

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