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 Post subject: exhausted
PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2012 9:14 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jan 19, 2011 9:37 pm
Posts: 67
hi
i know so many others are here but im also really finding it hard at the minute. husband and i are going to marriage counselling, its bringing up a lot of issues which just seem to much to deal with - so how do i deal with them? by going back to the ed. the stress in the relationship is too much. looking after the baby with that seems too much. i never get a break as husband doesn't have much time...then when i do get a break i am too tired to go out and do anything nice, and i bp. my therapist is off on sick for a few months which is hard. i have had a rough day of bp today, throats sore etc and just feel awful - i want to be the mum i wanted to be but im not. i just want to hide away not socialise not make an effort not bother with anything. im just too tired. every time i make efforts to get on with my life things backfire. im fed up with it. i have amazing times with my baby and she makes me happy, it makes me feel guilty for saying all this. i just wish i was free to be a mum and not have everything else to cope with as well. ive been so focused on trying to get better, make friends, get to places and make efforts...and i have done it to some extent since baby was born. but now, as things have been quite stressful and ed has taken more of a hold, i have lost a lot of that motivation and can feel myself just wanting to go back to ed in a way. this is really NOT good. i just want to be in control. i need to see things clearly again. thanks for listening.


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 Post subject: Re: exhausted
PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 4:37 am 
I think you are being to hard and yourself.

The things that you are struggling with in counselling, are you able to talk to your husband about them between sessions. If not write them down so that you can address these things at your next session so that you can all focus on them together and hopefully you can develop some skills to cope with them.

As a mother myself, I understand that you want a break from baby, that is perfectly normal, every mum wants that from time to time. It sounds that when you do get some time to yourself it is unplanned and you struggle to deal with that. Then you tend to beat yourself up because you have not done the things you thought you should. You are not wonder woman, it take a lot of energy to look after a baby so if you cannot go out with friends because you do not have the energy, then that is ok and perfectly normal too. If you find that you have some unplanned time alone why not spend the time pampering yourself. Have a lovely bubble bath etc, do something for you that will make you feel good. That way you will feel that you will have used this time constructively. If you do want to go out with friends then make sure you plan this time in advance and keep telling yourself that you deserve this time.

We all have good and bad days with regard to our EDs. The important thing is not to get too down about the bad days because it is only one day and tomorrow is a new opportunity for us all. Do not give up and think that you are a bad mum because you BP all day. Make a plan for you and baby to do something nice for tomorrow to help you move on.

You are a good mum and you can move on from this and not let your ED take over your life.

Are you keeping a food diary? Are you recording how you feel before you binge? Do you know what your triggers are?

I hope the weekend is kinder to you hun.

Take care
Sunshine
X


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 Post subject: Re: exhausted
PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 8:22 am 
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Joined: Wed Jan 19, 2011 9:37 pm
Posts: 67
hi sunshine
thanks for your helpful thoughts...i express my emotions right after counselling by crying but husband wants to talk about them...ive told him i don't want to talk about it right now but he makes me and thats where it all goes wrong..so im going to bring that up in counselling next week as thats what got me off on the wrong tangent this week in the first place.
you are right i should have a bath, do nail polish or just go for a little walk or something if i can't go out (by going out i mean like shopping or gym or driving somewhere)
i guess today is a new day and i really did mess up yesterday, but there were other days this week that i wanted to bp and i worked through it and didn't, so i have to try and see the positives. i really needed to hear that today, because i don't want to carry this into today - ive got that awful depressed feeling you get after a bad day of bp. but i can choose to move on today and have a nice day. hubby is working all day. i might just bringthe baby into bed with me awhile this morning, bath her and then go for a walk or something. my mum is free to meet me but im too down to meet her... i just don't want to see anyone til i feel a bit better.
i dont keep a food diary anymore as it is a bit triggering but it is helpful for me to write down how i was feeling before so i will do that. take care too x


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 Post subject: Re: exhausted
PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2012 9:14 pm 
Hi there how has your day been? Did you manage to do anything nice with your baby?


Sunshine
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 Post subject: Re: exhausted
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 12:06 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jan 19, 2011 9:37 pm
Posts: 67
hi :)

i didn't manage the walk but i spent some nice time cuddling and playing with the baby in bed and sang some songs with her today and read her some books. when she napped i did some stretches and it helped.
today is a nightmare...have had massive fallout with hubby over something stupid and couldn't stop crying...because i get stressed and anxious when i am crying and he does not stop the argument...he says my behaviour is not normal. this winds me up even more. he says i shouldn't be as emotional, should think about upping my meds, and should be able to get over things a lot quicker. all these comments have really hurt me more than the original argument...is anyone else like this, is this really so abnormal to be emotional and anxious and needing space to calm down when upset or am i such a freak. times like this i have no energy left for our marriage. i want to take the baby and run away to a different country.


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 Post subject: Re: exhausted
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 1:13 pm 
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Joined: Sat Nov 13, 2004 10:29 pm
Posts: 1248
Hey there,

It sounds as though he is feeling frustrated and is lashing out at you because he does not know how to help you. But his invalidating of your feelings and behaviour just worsen things as you will probably be tempted to try and hide your feelings from him. If only it was a matter of just deciding to be 'less emotional'! Who is the judge who decides what is a normal/abnormal amount of emotion to express anyway? It sounds like a very lonely place to be. You're not a 'freak' in the least, you're trying to deal with one hell of a lot and you are managing well much of the time by the sounds of it. You are doing nice things with your baby which is so important for you both.

I hope that things improve today.

Elly
xxx


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 Post subject: Re: exhausted
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2012 8:31 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jan 19, 2011 9:37 pm
Posts: 67
thank you Elly, i used to never cry and now when things are hard i cry a lot. for years because of the ed, i suppressed all emotions and now i guess they do just come and i just let them come, and ive heard that it is good to release them through crying - thats why the comments he makes hurt even more. would he prefer that i not cry but end up with my head down the toilet or going back to focusing on losing weight? we had a bad day, but tonight he apologised, he says he doesn't like himself anymore and thinks i don't like him either. he said he is not aware of the things he says until after and doesn't mean them. its hard though when stuff like this happens often. i hope counselling helps over time.
a bible verse thats helping me - it might help others too "The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:19


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 Post subject: Re: exhausted
PostPosted: Fri Feb 17, 2012 10:58 am 
Hi hun, how are you today? How has your week been?
Hope you have a good Friday.
:sun:
x


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 Post subject: Re: exhausted
PostPosted: Fri Feb 24, 2012 4:55 pm 
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Joined: Wed Jan 19, 2011 9:37 pm
Posts: 67
hi
thanks for asking sunshine, how are you keeping? i am not having a good day today. but i have had some more good days, more than ive been having generally lately, so thats been good news. it seems that it is one extreme or the other, hard to find some middle ground. we are really going through it all in relationship counselling - she pretty much summed up our marriage as us both leading completely separate lives and the only one we both really love unconditionally is the baby! we have lots and lots of areas to work on, which has been completely overwhelming, but are both taking steps to work towards healing our marriage which has helped bring us close even in the past couple of weeks.
today i bp. before i did it, i wrote down why i felt triggered ( a number of reasons) and what i could do about it. i felt better. but i failed to get out of the house, and i failed on it, and now i feel terrible. of course, this has to be the one day i have arranged to go out tonight. i find it really hard going out as it is, and now i feel awful! my husband is going to mind the baby a bit before so i can rest before going out....i am not really in the mood but i can't let others down and ill be upset about ed ruining my life once again - ill go and try to enjoy myself.
sometimes i just feel i will never be free. its so hard to keep going when i keep making the same mistakes. i know my thinking has changed sooo much that when i first started ed. so i know there is the capacity to change. but the reality is, my behaviours are still here even if motivations are not the same. its disheartening.
my therapist is still off sick, so they are offering me a new one, i have to ring and make an appt with her and also the dietician for next week. i really hope they can help me.


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