Leaving
Home
Going to university is often the first time that young
people live away from home.
How can this feel for you if you have eating disorder?
It can be both great and terrifying. It may wonderful
to move away from the perceived control and pressure to eat from friends
and family, you may feel that everything will be all right when you
move away. However, it can also be a terrifying experience. Whatever
you feel it will be a huge transition when familiar people, supports
and coping mechanisms are replaced by unfamiliarity's, uncertainties
and new stresses. University and its associated academic and social
activities can provide a multitude of stresses, activities and distractions
that draw your attention away from managing your difficulties. It can
also provide many excuses and opportunities, perhaps not to eat or
to continue or deepen you eating disorder if things get too much. It
can be important to prepare yourself before hand if you can.
What can
I do?
You may already have support or even therapy in place,
perhaps from your GP, local Community Mental Health Team (CMHT), privately
etc. but when you move away you may leave all this behind. There is
usually very little in the way of 'handover' with the area into which
you may be moving.
Whether you have yet to decide which university you will
be going to or not there are a number of things that you could do,
it may be that exploring these may also help you to decide on you choice
of university.
Certainly you can get in touch with your university and
find out what student support services are available, most universities
have counselling services as well as student welfare/support organisations.
You can find out all about student counselling at www.studentcounselling.org.
Most universities' website will list all about their student support,
often the Students' Union pages are a good place to start. Some universities
pages actually talk about their eating disorders provision, we have
put together a list of some that we have found here (this
page is also available on the main Somerset & Wessex Eating Disorders Association (SWEDA)
site here).
At university you may well have a Personal Tutor, someone who's role
is to help you with your well-being and needs, both academic and otherwise,
these can be great sources of help if you feel able to share your difficulties
with them.
Often when we move away to study registering with a GP/practice
is forgotten about until we actually become ill but again this is something
that you could look into in advance, some universities have on-campus
practices.
If you currently have NHS support locally you might want
to ask them to look into what might be available to you from the NHS
when you move on. There may also be voluntary organisations offering
support in the area. SWEDA has a UK
Support Finder page which might help you find something (although
do check out the accuracy of the information as things change).
There might also be some support that you can take with
you, telephone helplines, online support and pen-pal schemes for example
will probably remain available to you when you move and of course there
is the SWEDA 18-25 Project which is specifically aimed at supporting
young people in these and similar training based situations. You can
find out about contacting the Project here. SWEDA also may have services
that you will find useful, particularly, but not exclusively, if you
are studying/training in the area. You can get to the SWEDA site here.
Finding out simple things like whether you will be living
in Halls of Residence (will meals be provided etc.) can also be useful.
Will telling
the university effect my chances of being accepted?
This is a very difficult question to answer but, obviously,
a very important one. It is impossible to state categorically one way
or the other but it is fair to say that most universities are very
committed to enabling access for individuals with all sorts of needs
and difficulties to their courses and helping them to succeed. It is,
however, important to be honest with yourself about whether you feel
that you are able to meet the demands of university. It is highly unlikely
that a university will accept you if you are clearly too ill to manage
safely (although this may be apparent whether you choose to tell them
or not). You burn no bridges by being honest and spending time on your
recovery if you think this is what you need to do. Many universities
may also accept you and defer your place whilst you do this.
Will going
to the GP affect my career prospects?
This is another difficult yet important question and
also impossible to answer for everyone in every case.
GPs keep confidential records to which you have a right
of access. In some instances when applying for certain jobs a health
check could be asked for.
Some careers (health care, psychology etc.) may have
requirements in terms of a number of years 'in recovery' (possibly
2 - 5 years for example). You will need to check this out for yourself.
If you are studying in certain areas you may therefore
be cautious about seeking NHS help but it is also important not to
leave things too long. Many people also feel that the longer an eating
disorder is left, the longer the recovery process may take.
Some people choose to go the private route, although
this can be costly, or through university counsellors. Generally in
such instances records are entirely confidential (with certain provisos)
although it is always important to check specifically your therapist's
confidentiality policies. University counsellors may be bound by certain
university policies in addition to their own.
What about
the people I live with?
Sometimes we are afraid to let other people know that
we have an eating disorder. You may want to keep it a secret or feel
that it needs to be kept this way. You may wonder what your friends
or housemates would think or say if they knew and you may worry that
they would treat you differently. You need to feel safe with, and trusting
in, anyone you choose to tell. You need good friends.
Sometimes it does help to tell people what is going on
so that they can understand. Often friends, especially housemate who
live with us, pick up on things, such as eating habits and panics around
eating with them or going out for meals, perhaps disappearing to the
toilet after meals. It can help them to know how best to help you,
especially when you may be quiet and reserved or 'hibernate' in your
room.
Many of the support services that you may use can also
be useful to friends wanting to know how to help and perhaps needing
support for themselves. The SWEDA 18-25 Project is also there
to help friends and families. Local support services or helplines and
letter schemes may offer support to those in a supportive or caring
role. SWEDA
services in general are open to supporters and carers.
Should I
tell my tutors?
It may be that you feel it could be helpful to tell your
tutors. They may be able to offer help and support, particularly with
any academic concerns that your eating disorder may raise but also
generally. You may also have a personal tutor with a specific role
to help with you needs.
Your intuition will be a good guide in choosing whether
to confide in your tutors. If you would like someone to go with you
whilst you talk things through maybe a good friend or supporter would
help.
The SWEDA 18-25 Project can also work with tutors
who feel unsure as to the best way to help and support a student with
an eating disorder.
What about
my parents?
When you go away to university your parents may well
be worried, especially if they are aware of your eating disorder. It
is likely that they will still feel 'responsible' for you and your
eating disorder but 'disempowered' by the distance between you.
You are your own person and responsible for your own
well-being but it may be helpful to be aware of how your absence may
affect them. You have choices in how to manage this and may choose
to tell them how things are or not, as the case may be, but it is important
to recognise their feelings and needs. Part of the process of preparing
to leave may be to explore with them what help and support they need
for themselves to make your university term more manageable for them
and for you.
The SWEDA 18-25 Project can offer support to parents
and other family members and friends and many of the organisations
(NHS, private or voluntary) that offer help and support to those suffering
with an eating disorder also offer help and support to those in supportive
and caring roles who are equally affected by the eating disorders.
Some may also offer carer specific services such are carers group as
does SWEDA.
SWEDA's UK
Support Finder page may be useful here.
What, if
during my studies, I feel unable to carry on?
At times like this you need to draw on all the support
mechanisms that you have in place.
Talking to your tutors and course co-ordinator could
be helpful and your university will probably try very hard to provide
the sort of support that will help you continue should that be what
you decide to do. Other options might include taking a gap year, deferring
you place or perhaps taking a break from study in order to pursue you
recovery and come back into study at a later date. If you continue
with you studies tutors may be able to arrange additional help and
support for you, perhaps also academically with extensions for assignments
and such like but you will need to talk things through to find out
what is possible.
SWEDA and the 18-25 Project may be able to help you find
out what statutory eating disorders specialist services are in the
area of your university and may be able to help you think about how
to get some help from them.
You will need to think carefully about what is best for
you. It is important to look after yourself and not to worry about
the academic achievement pressures. You are more important than any
degree and it is also useful to remember that it is always possible
to return to studies at a later date should you not feel able to continue.
SWEDA's 18-25 Project may also be able to help you decide.
Opportunities
University can be a great place to have new experiences
and opportunities. It may be that you want to form or join clubs or
try something very new, like scuba diving, sailing, rock climing etc.
and sometimes this can give you extra motivation to move out of your
eating disorder. Living with an eating disorder can be incredibly tiring,
time consuming and limiting and finding something that you really want
to do and that you enjoy that your eating disorder prevents you doing
can be a powerful mover for recovery.
It is important to try and explore this side of university
life rather than burying yourself and your eating disorder in your
academic work. It is of course important to find a balance and not
to avoid your eating difficulties by hiding away totally in other activities.
The 18-25 Project aims to help students find this balance and
to explore new things and perhaps find new passions and ways of moving
forward from their eating disorders and into new things.
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