Helping someone close

When you suspect someone close to you has an eating disorder think carefully beforehand how you are going to approach the issue with the person.

Firstly, inform yourself as much as you can about eating disorders, identify resources that will help and support both yourself and the person close to you. Identify where the person can get help so when you approach the person he/she will know you are serious about helping her. Get useful information, perhaps from your GP, perhaps from an eating disorder association. Find out where to get professional help a therapist, a nutritionist, someone who specialises in eating disorders. Make sure you have their phone numbers and in what respect that can be of assistance to this person close to you. So that when you approach the person close to you, you can help allay his/her fears.

So what are the symptoms that may lead you suspect someone close to you has an eating disorder? Eating disorders cover three main different definitions and the following symptoms indicate any one of Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa and Compulsive Overeating or Binge Eating. The issues with food are a faulty coping mechanism for underlying emotional issues in any of the definitions above. If the person close to you possesses any three of the following symptoms it does indicate the person has issues with food and is in need of help and support.

1. Weight loss
2. Preoccupation with food and weight
3. Withdrawal from family and friends
4. Feeling cold
5. Amenorrhoea
6. Moodiness
7. Feeling fat
8. Concern re. Calories, fat intake, weight gain
9. Excessive exercise
10. Abuse of laxatives, enemas and diuretics
11. Vomiting and fasting
12. Cooking for others but not eating themselves.

Remember that someone with an eating disorder is very vulnerable. They will probably be shocked to find that you have identified their problem. People with an eating disorder are very secretive about their issues and because they feel shamed and guilty will very often deny the disorder. If you can approach the person gently with empathy this could give them the opportunity to talk about the denial, the shame and the issues that are making them unhappy. You will then have the opportunity to help this person to take his/her first step to getting help. If, however the person is in denial about their problem, do not give up on them, let them know that when they are ready you will still be there to support and encourage them to make their first step in order to get help. Let them know you are only concerned about their health and happiness and that you care deeply about them. If the person is a close family member let them know you will love them unconditionally and that their behaviour will not change how much you care and love them.

(Edwina Aptis)